Here at the ‘republic we like to keep readers abreast of the latest ‘developments’ in football; there are a couple of items of particular interest this morning which may take your interest from Ibrox and Anfield.
In view of their dire financial situation Rangers have officially notified the Scottish FA and the Scottish Premier League of their intention to change the name of the club to “Cash-strapped Rangers FC”. A club source has said: “It’s the obvious thing to do, given the current circumstances. We received advice from the Office of Fair Trading that unless we took this measure we might be accused of trying to deliberately mislead potential investors. Oh, and can anyone loan me 2 quid for the bus?”.
The club will also be closing food outlets at Ibrox and introducing a ‘Sausage Lottery’ for the remaining home fixtures this season, in an attempt to reduce catering costs; Ally McCoist’s uncle will be bring his barbeque to the ground and ten ‘lucky’ supporters will be chosen to have their grub cooked by him in the centre circle at half time.
Meanwhile at Anfield, Police are investigating a report that some highly valuable objects have gone missing from the Liverpool stadium. A Police spokeman described the items in question as an antique piece of headgear made from precious metals and lavishly encrusted with jewels, and an ornate high-backed, carved chair made of oak, highly decorated with inlaid gold leaf and fitted with red velvet cushions. The objects were formally reported missing from the office of manager Kenny Dalglish after Liverpool’s weekend loss to Newcastle, the club’s sixth loss in seven games, although there are rumours that they may have been missing for several weeks.
Publishers of Mr. Dalglish’s book ‘My Liverpool Years: Then and Now” are reportedly concerned by the club’s recent form. They are said to be preparing to recall all remaining copies of the work so that small black stickers can be applied to the dustjackets to cover the latter two words of the title.